secret.genius

two

I love the satisfaction of turning the last page of a novel that was totally worth the time you spent with it. Tightly woven. A travelogue, a cuisine review, a lesson in Chinese history, an insight into Chinese culture, a mystery, a love story -- and a reminder of how much it can mean when we sit down at a table and share a meal together.

30 Days of the Everyday : Late Summer 2009

one

One of my favorite things about the baby belly is when it gets big enough to function as a snack tray. Relaxing with BKG on a Sunday afternoon, dunking cookies in milk, and laughing hysterically while watching Baby Mama.  If you knew what a rare occasion this is in our household, you would understand how very content I am in this moment.

30 Days of the Everyday : Late Summer 2009

Not Pretty

(Warning: This story contains poop.)

Eves is suffering from what is commonly known in this household as "ouchie poops". I'll spare you from too much detail, but the ailment is accompanied by a raging diaper rash. So for the past two days or so, she has had twice as many dirty dipes than she usually has and she won't let me wipe her "ouchie bottom", which means the process of each diaper change includes me having to rinse her poopy butt off in the tub. (I warned you.)

Anyway. We have that going on. On top of that, as I keep repeating to anyone who will listen, I am really tired and really hungry, but everything smells bad and nothing sounds good to eat. The constant threat of poop isn't exactly helping.

Eves started wailing around 4 am or so this morning as though she were being chased through a feverish dream. I went in there to check her. She was so distraught and pitiful that I put her on my lap in the recliner and there we sat and sort of slept for 2 hours. By morning, she and I had ended up in the big bed and BKG ended up in the recliner. I have no clear recollection of how that exchange took place.

Despite the restless night, Eves was awake and ready to rock by 7:30.  She spilled a cup of Cheerios and raisins all over the floor. BKG took a turn with her and I went back to bed for what must have been about an hour, but felt more like 5 minutes. I was still lying there when I heard BKG say his good-byes. So I dragged myself feebly into mothering mode.

Eves needed her diaper changed, of course. We got into a big tussle over the ouchie poop situation which sent us both into hysterics. I reached my limit and had to leave her on the changing pad on the floor, bawling and sprawled in a pitiful state. I went in the bedroom and buried my face in a pillow and cried hard for a good 3 minutes.

The rest of today has been a slow recovery from that low moment.
I told you. Not pretty.

* * * * *

Some days seem to demand apologies. Dear Evie, Sorry Mommy is such a crappy Mommy today. Dear BKG, Sorry I am such a crappy wife. Better luck next time. Dear Me, Sorry.... I don't know. Just sorry...

But what can you do. I wish SuperNanny and/or Mary Poppins would swoop in here and take care of me and everything else in this house for a solid 2 weeks. But I am the mom here -- so Mary Poppins = me. That's MY job. Now where the hell are my flying umbrella and magic carpet bag.

A pattern begins to emerge.

Mid-morning. Somewhere between 10:30 and 11:00.

Suddenly, I am starving. Really hungry.

This morning Eves and I went for a walk around the block. It was an ugly walk. An unsettling walk. The opposite of what a walk should be. No trees shade the sidewalk in our neighborhood. In some spots there isn't even any sidewalk. Scary dogs bark at us from behind ill-tended fences. Too hot. Too many cars. Nothing pretty to look at. Eves left the house pushing her babydoll in her pink stroller. Naturally, halfway from home she gets tired of pushing it, leaving me no choice but to carry it while dragging her along by the wrist. She has her own agenda. Runs like a racecar when you don't want her to run and dawdles along at a snails pace when you are really, really hungry and hot and want badly to be home.

Home. Finally. I made a pan of fried rice with vegetables and ham chopped up in it. With soy sauce and salt. I am aware that salt is not my friend in this condition. Salt makes me swell up to enormous and uncomfortable proportions. But I'm hungry for something that tastes good. Eves takes three bites and is done. I tell her to go watch TV while I attempt to make an important phone call regarding a medical bill. My cell phone chooses that exact moment to go completely dead. So I have to stand and speak while tethered to the wall outlet, just like in the olden days. Eves is loud and demanding in the background.

Suddenly, I am so very tired.

We are a good two hours away from Eves regular naptime. But she has a stuffy nose today, so maybe just maybe she'll agree to some quiet time. I lay down on my bed. Eves insists on staying on the couch to watch Pinky-Dinky-Do. Yes-arooni. Positooni. She pops in to check on me a few times, confused as to why I'm laying down:

"Whatchoo doing, Mommy?"
"Mommy, need the light on?"
"Mommy, is it daytime?"

"Mommy is tired, honey. The Tummy-Baby makes Mommy tired."

"Okay, Mommy. I give you two kisses. One big. One little."

She is back to being in my good graces for the moment.
And now, more than likely, I'll be catching her cold.

Two things to tell you.

1. This afternoon I picked our very first red, ripe, home-grown tomato.

2. I'm pregnant.