This morning, after getting E set up on the couch with her little cup of raisins and O's and a cartoon, I snuck back into bed for a a bit (yeah -- I know, lazy parenting) and I rolled over to BKG and said:
I'm happy. I am content in my life.
And that's a pretty big deal. If you've known me in real life for any significant amount of time, then you know that I'm prone to "enjoy my melancholy". When I'm asked the simple, polite question: "How are you?" my answer, more often than not, has been: "I'm fine." said with a long drawn out sigh indicating otherwise.
This has been The Year of the Tattoo.
The Year of the Anti-Depressants.
The Year of the Eleven Dollar Haircut.
The Year of Getting Back Into Pre-Pregnancy Size Jeans.
This has been The Year of the Toddler.
The Year of Motherhood For Advanced Beginners.
The Year of "Step 1: Set Up A $1,000 Emergency Fund"
and The Year of Thank God We Did Because We Sure Needed It.
The Year of the Kidney Stones.
The Year of the Emergency Room.
The Year I Dialed the Phone To Ask For Help Again and Again and Again
(and if you know me, you know how much I HATE THE PHONE)
and The Year That People Who Love Us Dropped What They Were Doing To Come Help Us.
The Year of Contemporary Dance and Lyrical Hip-Hop.
The Year of You Cut Me Open and I Keep Bleedin', Keep Keep Bleedin' Love, Keep Bleedin' Love...
This has been The Year of The Blog.
and The Year of The Camera
and The Year of 30 Days of the Everyday.
The Year of Feeling Back To My Old Self
and The Year of Feeling Like A Brand New Woman.
The Year I Remembered I Was Capable.
The Year I Realized I AM Even MORE Capable.
Wow. That list was longer than I thought it was gonna be.
We were getting dressed this morning, and I needed to get from my side of the bed to over by the closet, and instead of walking there like a normal person, I did a kicky little traveling dance number and then stopped at the closet door and laughed at myself.
BKG gave me the "My Crazy Wife" look and said: "You sure are a lot more laugh-y lately."
And I plopped down on the bed and said:
"I know. I told you -- I'm happy. And I don't know if it's the anti-depressants or whether I relax more or what... Maybe I just grew up a little this year..."
And he said:
"Whatever it is, babe. Keep it up. You keep it up."